shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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