Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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