she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
