Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
