if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
