Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
