if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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