I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
