remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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