if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
