I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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