She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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