the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
