My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
