You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
