he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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