im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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