just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
