someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
