it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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