the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
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