I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
