Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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