I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
