There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
