He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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