I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
