put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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