i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
only you would photoshop your dick
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
