You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
