His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
