dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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