break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
