Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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