i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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