I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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