My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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