Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
