I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
