Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
