I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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