I cannot find my penis.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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