omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
