me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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