i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
