Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
