How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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