yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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