why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
