I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
