just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
