I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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